I lost my dog, Toby, on August 10th to an unknown illness. It was horrible; i didnt even get to say goodbye. When i woke on the morning of August 11th; my parents told me he didnt make it. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach. it hit me hard. and i just cried and cried.
Now i feel so guilty; because i ask my parents to let take him to the vet; they said we couldn't afford it. but i didnt care; i just kept asking; but now; i wish i asked more; because maybe; he'd still be here. And now i get so angry when they talk about him; because im pissed how they didnt take him to the vet; but thats just grief-anger; i guess.
Is there anyway to ease this pain? i hear a sad song; and i burst into tears; i cant even look at his picture without getting a bad feeling in my stomach; but oddly; its like i want to cry; i put on sad songs and cry. i know its good to cry; but i feel like i want to crawl in my bed and just cry forever. i miss him so bad.
Answers:
I know it horrible when you loose a pet. I lost my rabbit, Caramel, I know some of you moght think - It's just a rabbit, but I loved him so much.
One day in the morning, I noticed his eyes were very dull, and I started to panic. We took him to the vet and they didn't know what had happened to him. I had saved up some money and had about $80 and with that I paid for his antibiotics and my mother and grandparents paid for the rest. That was the last time I held him... Oh lord I'm tearing up... In the morning they woke me up to tell me the didn't make it. I was so angry, everyone, everyone kept telling me 'Don't worry he'll be fine' and that was the only hope I had and then it was all shattered, just like that.
I remember, the day he died, I was watching tv alone in my room, and all the chanels I went through was related to pet loss somehow. It made me want to cry more.
I understand the pain your going through. If you feel like crawling in bed and crying, do it, that's really sometimes the only thing you can do. Remember, that you made him happy, and gave him everything you had. He had a good home and had a happy life. I cried and cried until I felt there were just no more tears and my head hurt after so much crying. I didn't want to eat, and lost weight. I made a memorial to him, I gathered all his pictures and put them in a scrap book, that I still keep beside my bed.
I'm sorry for your loss, but you have to be strong.
I know how you feel. I had a dog called Rebel aand we lost him on the day before christmas last year. Had him since i was a baby. First off im sorry about your loss. Its hard when you loose a pet, As it is a member of the family. But with time it does get better. You need to think about the good times and the silly thingd your pet use to do.
I got angry at my parents too. Its grief. It makes you feel better when you blame someone else.
Have you considered getting another dog? If you dont want one. Then i assure you with time, youll feel soooo much better.
Oh, honey, I'm so sad for your loss. Losing a pet is like losing one of your children (to some people) or one of your best friends. You are going through the stages of denial which is okay - there is (1) Denial [this can't be happening]; (2) Anger [why me? It's not fair!]; (3) Bargaining - [I'll be happy just to see him one more time]; (4) Depression [Why bother doing anything?]; and (5) Acceptance [It's going to be okay].
It's okay to let your grief out. You sound pretty young (in high school, maybe?). There is no way to ease the pain. It has to be dealt with step by step. Realize that if Toby were still alive, would he want you to be like this? He's up over the Rainbow Bridge, happy and excited, waiting for you. He's not hurting, and is running around and playing with other dogs. At least I would like to think so.
When you are able to, why not write a little memory book of Toby? Write down some of the things he did to make you laugh, what did he do when caught in the act of being naughty, how he loved you. Add pictures of him throughout the years. Try to remember the good and happy times.
Everyone goes through grief at different stages and times. Sometimes they'll stay in one grief period for a long time, and then move through the others at a fast pace. Only time will be able to help overcome the hurt. But his memory will always be with you.
First of all, I am so sorry about Toby ! There is nothing worse than finding that an animal you love has gone to the Rainbow Bridge without any warning. What your parents did was WRONG, sweetie. They should have at least allowed you to say goodbye to your dog. It sounds as though they discovered he had passed on and then buried him before you ever woke up, in a misguided attempt to try to spare you pain. Your parents may have meant well, but in the end they only made things worse. As difficult as it is for you to do this, you need to found out where they buried Toby, and go and say goodbye to him there. Take along some flowers, or his favorite toy if he had one, and go to whereever he is. Let yourself cry and grieve- that is a normal response to a sudden loss like this.
Meanwhile, I want you to know about something that may bring you some comfort. There is a wonderful poem that was published many years ago by an unknown author called "The Rainbow Bridge". which is available online at rainbowbridge.org. This poem describes what happens to animals who are loved when they die. It begins with the line "Just this side of Heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge.." and the poem continues and says that when an animal dies that was loved on Earth, they go to the Bridge. Here, the health and strength they knew when they were young is restored to them, and they can run free and do all the things they enjoyed as pups and kittens, ( and with larger animals, such as horses, colts and fillies) with no suffering or pain. There is a slight catch, though- because they don't live as long as we do, the animals must remain at the Bridge. Then, one day, all of a sudden, they realize that their owners have appeared at the Bridge too- and they run joyfully to find and join them. Then the 2 of them cross the Bridge together.
This beautiful poem has brought me an enormous amount of comfort and solace when my own pets have died, not to mention all the times in my long career in the horse business when I have had to watch or be present when a horse was put down. When I start to miss the animal, I just think of him or her at the Bridge, and that gives me comfort and peace.
For yourself, you need to keep a few things in mind- mainly, that what happened to Toby WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. It's normal to be mad at your parents when they talk about him- and they are being more than a little insensitive to you by talking about him as if he had never existed at all. Anger is part of the grief process- when a person we love dies, it's common for those left behind to be mad at the one who died. No one wants to be left alone like that, and death is the ultimate abandonment. You need to put this idea that you were somehow responsible for Toby's death out of your mind. Actually, it was your PARENTS who didn't want to spend the money to take Toby to the vet, not you. You did all you could, sweetheart. Your feelings of anger and resentment are normal, and I don't blame you for them. You need to take good care of yourself in the coming days, though. Make sure that you get enough sleep ( I know that's a tough one, and you may need to see your doctor for some help with this) and that you eat well. Try to make sure that you get out of the house and exercise for at least half an hour every day as well- exercise will help ease your pain and grief. Grief is hard work, and it takes a long time to heal after a sudden loss like this. Don't be surprised if you have trouble concentrating for a while- that is also normal and part of the grief process. When school starts in a week or two, make sure you tell your teacher(s) and the guidance counselor about Toby, and let them help you work through your feelings. These people are professionals, and they have been trained to help students like you deal with loss and grief- so don't be afraid to ask for help from them. Treat yourself gently and give yourself time to heal up and recover. Eventually, the time will come when you are ready to move on and get another dog, but don't rush or force yourself into that just yet. Good luck to you, and again, I am so sorry for your loss.
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